I had another increase yesterday. We are taking the increases in smaller doses as we approach what we think is our goal. I agree. I feel ok when I’m not having what I call a spasmodic event.
In a conversation with my neurologist yesterday, he explained, once again that the goal was to minimize the events but not to drug me up so bad that I flop like a fish. The truth is, that the events will never stop.
I did not realize that until I was asked a question about how the visit went. In my explanation, I had a moment of realization. Evidently, I don’t listen to myself. These will never end.
So, where do we go from here? Those of you that know me better than most of my family should know that I don’t like being told that something cannot be done. Yet, I’m having to accept the converse of that.
I’m setting goals. If I can get well enough that a vehicle ride does not destroy me, then there are some places that I would like to go. I intend to travel. I have amassed friends in every area of the country, either through the military, or through my students leaving the state.
I could do web hosting, I have the equipment and the know-how. However, I am very slow. My operational hours during the day are limited, as is my movement. I, it seems, am less dependable than my equipment. My equipment has a very low failure-rate and it just got lower. I have good toys, and it seems that is only what they ever will be.
I see where I need to identify and accept my limitations and figure out goals that are obtainable for me.
I will say God is carrying me. There is only one set of footprints in the sand. Currently, I can have it no other way.
My mind floods with platitudes. I don’t want to do that to you so I’ll just remind you that God loves you and so do many of your family and friends. You are not alone in this thing.
Just a low.