A fantastic, but hated, English Composition teacher of mine one submitted her belief that you can’t write that something is unexplainable and then write about it. I think that is why I quit writing about a year or so ago. What I was writing about became unexplainable.

I’ll simply say, the pain of my muscles and nerves have not let up. The levels still roller-coaster, reaching heights previously unpredictable. However, on another note, the situation has educated me a bit, I think.

I affirm this is genetic and that my father had it and at least one of my daughters are developing it. Not one of my siblings believe me. Heck, they don’t believe that I have anything more than osteoarthritis. The Veterans Administration has reached out to me and in June I will be admitted to a clinic specially for those who have ALS (Lou Gehrig’s Disease). While it is not believed that I actually have Lou Gehrig’s, the VA feels that I would benefit greatly from the group of specialists they have treating the group. When they told me this, I cried. My wife and I will no longer be forced to lead this fight blindly. I care less about my life, as it is already destroyed. I don’t want this to affect my children. We must identify this and build a bulk of information so they have a fighting chance.

Lynyrd Skynyd has a song, “Comin’ Home,” with prophetic lyrics, as many of their songs do. 

It’s been so long since I’ve been gone
Another day might be too long for me
Traveling around I’ve had my fill
Of broken dreams and dirty deals

A concrete jungle surrounding me
Many nights I’ve slept out in the streets
I paid my dues and I changed my style
Seen hard times, all over now

 

I want to come home. It’s been so long since I’ve been away
And please, don’t blame me ’cause I’ve tried
I’ll be coming home soon to your love, to stay

I miss old friends that I once had

 

Times ain’t changed and I’ll be glad when I go home
I don’t know why the thought came to me
But why I’m here I really can’t see, and now

I want to come home. It’s been so long since I’ve been away

 

And please, don’t blame me ’cause I’ve tried
I’ll be coming home soon to your love, to stay
Coming…

I take the meaning of “Home” to mean the old times before their fame and isolation from their old lives. That is where I am. I want to “go home” to a time where I could say I loved my life, where my life loved me in return.

Thanks for reading,

Jay C. Theriot

PS: I am not suicidal, just weary of the path I am on.