One of the questions asked at the regular visit to my primary care physician was “Are you, or have you been depressed lately?”\u00a0 My answer was a chuckle, then a “No. The anxiety is gone.”<\/p>\n
A big lie.\u00a0 A good case of denial helps.<\/p>\n
My baseline is raising.\u00a0 I should be joyful.\u00a0 Then, I see my beautiful motorcycle that is heading for the sale yard.\u00a0 A bike I wanted since I was a teenager.\u00a0 Purchased and rode for 6 months before I couldn’t stand anymore.\u00a0 I did put about 5,000 miles on it in that short time.<\/p>\n
Now, it stands as a monument to the life I had and can never return to.<\/p>\n
I drove my car to a friends the other day and was asked why I was there?\u00a0 My answer was “freedom.”\u00a0 The next question was, “Does you wife know you are here.”\u00a0 No, she would kill me.<\/p>\n
I am a ward of someone else.\u00a0 She’s a beautiful ward, but it is the core of the truth.<\/p>\n
Am I depressed? Hah.\u00a0 I don’t think that is the word for it.\u00a0 I am trying to build a new outlook for the future.\u00a0 I am focused on building functionality into my global weather tracking site.\u00a0 It is coming along slowly, but majestically.\u00a0 I’m using data manipulation techniques, unused for years.\u00a0 I’m amassing a bulk of data that will provide me a base to execute statistical analysis with.<\/p>\n
After all this time, I am working on a project that involves my true analytical mind-set.\u00a0 I’m not even concerned if one person accesses it.\u00a0 I would love for it to be a standard visit for people when they are looking for weather information, but that is not the reason for the site.\u00a0 It is to provide a mass of data, organized and presented in such a way that the viewer can say “Yes, we’re safe,” or “No, we need to flee.”\u00a0 Simplicity in design.\u00a0 Complex in thought.<\/p>\n
My future is one of thought as my body is betraying me.<\/p>\n
At the end of most days, I arrive at the point where I just want the day to end.\u00a0 I want to curl up in my cocoon and have the disability leave me for a few hours.\u00a0 If only in my dreams.<\/p>\n
My wife and I are going to renew our playhouse season tickets, in hope that I make more than one play this upcoming season.<\/p>\n
There is an unreasonable pull that makes me desire to be a hermit.\u00a0 It would be very easy for me to do.\u00a0 All I would need to do is turn off social media.\u00a0 My wife and I have two sets of friends.\u00a0 One set is a divorced lady my wife and I have adored since 9th grade.\u00a0 She brings me an incredible tasting gumbo.\u00a0 She is one of my female friends that I can’t understand why someone would divorce.\u00a0 She is a marvelous person.\u00a0 Her ex and all the single men out there don’t know the jewel inside this lady.\u00a0 The other set is a man and wife that comes over and plays cards with us.<\/p>\n
These personalities in the orbit just outside my tight inner circle of doctors and care givers, along with my beautiful wife, are those who keep the Sun hanging in the sky.<\/p>\n
I live to watch the birds sing and fly.\u00a0 The buzzing of the bees are loud and clear.\u00a0 I’ve noticed that some flowers, like the rose, unfurl their bud to reveal their petals, one at a time, slowly showing the world their beauty.\u00a0 Other flowers, like lilies, are unabashedly bold.\u00a0 Their bulbs explode in color.<\/p>\n
It looks like I’m going to have a fair harvest of satsumas and radishes this year. The bird feeder and bath are drawing all sorts of wildlife.<\/p>\n
These are the things that hang the Sun.<\/p>\n
Today, is Sunday.\u00a0 I will see a warm and welcoming congregation at church.<\/p>\n
It is in the eyes of the many varied people in which I see the Sun.<\/p>\n
My life is not traveling in darkness, but heading toward the light.\u00a0 Along the way, obstacles block the Sun from time to time.\u00a0 But, they are temporary.<\/p>\n
I have valuable people, animals and projects in my life.\u00a0 Without this disability, I don’t think I ever would have seen the value of all that surrounds me.<\/p>\n
The day will end, and I will get rest.\u00a0 But, until then, I want to see the Sun.<\/p>\n
In His name,<\/p>\n
Jay C. “Jazzy_J” Theriot<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
One of the questions asked at the regular visit to my primary care physician was “Are you, or have you been depressed lately?”\u00a0 My answer was a chuckle, then a “No. The anxiety is gone.” A big lie.\u00a0 A good case of denial helps. My baseline is raising.\u00a0 I should be joyful.\u00a0 Then, I see […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-669","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jayscafe.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/669","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jayscafe.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jayscafe.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jayscafe.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jayscafe.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=669"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/jayscafe.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/669\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jayscafe.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=669"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jayscafe.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=669"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jayscafe.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=669"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}