Me. I hate what I have become. I take an enormous amount of medications in order to maintain a minimum amount of functionality. There are days when fixing myself a cup of coffee is not only my greatest achievement, it is my only achievement.<\/p>\n
I have a family of siblings that think this my dysfunction is a sham.\u00a0 A few of them have seen me on my mediocre days and are starting to begin to understand.\u00a0 None have seen me on a bad day, save a short time that they visited me in the CCU.\u00a0 But, the CCU was the exception.\u00a0 Day-to-day, I consider almost equivalent to the CCU.\u00a0 The frustration exceeds that of the CCU.\u00a0 In the CCU, strapped to a bed, having a machine aid your breathing, you have no choice but to surrender yourself to others. Day-to-day, you only have yourself to curse.<\/p>\n
I know with God’s help, I will get through all of this.\u00a0 However, it is not without agony, self-doubt and bitterness.\u00a0 I strive to emulate Jesus’ example on the cross.\u00a0 His complete subjection to his Father.\u00a0 One day, I pray, I will learn.<\/p>\n
To say there is anger in me, is an understatement.\u00a0 I am angry at my body for betraying me.\u00a0 As I type this at the end of a long day, my shoulder muscles are cramping.\u00a0 I can feel my abdominal muscles are quivering against the metal of the Baclofen pump. I have heat moving around my body like clouds and I just want the day to end.\u00a0 Holding my head steady and my fingers on the home row of the keyboard is a challenge as my sore muscles begin their “twitch” dance.<\/p>\n
I’ve been to another hemisphere and now, I can’t leave town on my own accord.\u00a0 My eyes have seen much, but now, my travel is almost completely limited to what the History Channel or National Geographic.<\/p>\n
I was considering opening up my resources to pro-bono host web-sites for charitable organizations.\u00a0 I’m considering withdrawing my offer and going into seclusion.\u00a0 I don’t know if I have enough energy to do it.\u00a0 I’m tired in more ways than one.<\/p>\n
There is only one set of footprints in the sand this evening.<\/p>\n
Thanks, and God Bless,<\/p>\n
Jay C. Theriot<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Me. I hate what I have become. I take an enormous amount of medications in order to maintain a minimum amount of functionality. There are days when fixing myself a cup of coffee is not only my greatest achievement, it is my only achievement. I have a family of siblings that think this my dysfunction […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[46,49,35],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-300","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-fatigue","category-life","category-understanding"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jayscafe.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/300","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jayscafe.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jayscafe.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jayscafe.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jayscafe.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=300"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/jayscafe.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/300\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jayscafe.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=300"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jayscafe.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=300"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jayscafe.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=300"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}